Saturday, September 28, 2019

I want to get this down before I forget it.

 I dreamt I was back in school & had four different thesis papers due… & I had nothing. Dreams don’t stick with me so much, but I think the best I had was rough ideas. All around me, people – the usual mix of childhood & adulthood friends & acquaintances, all mixed together & all at the ages I best remember them, natch – were preparing for all the term papers & theses with food for students, places to work & new printer ribbons at the ready, & I was just sort of moseying along in an increasing panic but not really doing anything about it.

And then I woke up. Now, I’m sure this is just another of my recurring dreams (fears of going back to school & being a bust), & why it chose to manifest itself as term papers is, well, understandable. I used to be really, really good at writing term papers. In fact, I think two of my best overall best pieces of writing were term papers/theses: one on the history & impact of Hank Williams, & one on how sexism shaped the development of American pop music.

I actually wish I could go back & revisit that last one, because a whole lot has changed – both in the pop music industry & America’s relationship with sexism – in the past 20 years. I don’t know if either still exist, though. I’ve long since abandoned cataloging everything I’ve written. Maybe they’re stored somewhere, I don’t know.

Anyhow, there’s that dream. I’m just glad it’s not another where I have some sort of romantic life partner thing going. Those are a bit depressing.

A COUPLE HOURS LATER

 That’s what Momma is currently listening to Alabama whip up on Ole Miss. Her Aunt Marie had one of them, she said, & she always wanted one, so she bought this one from a place in Fulton owned by someone I went to school with, apparently. It was made in 1945, or so the paperwork says. For the longest time she thought it didn’t work. It’d power up but you couldn’t do anything about getting a signal.

Her sister & sister’s granddaughter were visiting, & the granddaughter didn’t know what it was. Seriously. She’s smart as a whip but she has a way making me feel old, being completely oblivious & unconcerned with anything that happened before she was born. For her, radio’s are in cars & occasionally something that might way less than five pounds. Anyhow, the whole concept of vacuum tubes might as well been coming from Venusians, & she noticed something was just slightly off its track, & thus, made it work.

Like I said, she’s smart as a whip. We have an unusual but warm relationship. I didn’t see her so much growing – or much more than normal as far as the family visits go – but she’s got the same sort of sensitive quirks & fascinations I have. She has a much sharper brain than me & just about anyone I’ve known since I was in college. Nothing but love for everyone I’ve met since college, but it’s definitely been a different atmosphere.

Her mom & I were close as kids, but adulthood has taken us on different pasts. She has the family’s allegiance to the Missionary Baptist take & her own part of it’s… let’s just say it could be much worse & just move along. She’s one of the three people in my family that I’ve told I was an atheist & the only one that was an absolute mistake. Even Momma told her to leave me alone.

Plus, she doesn’t really want me to spread tales from my rough & rowdy days & give her kids ideas. I don’t mind & try to follow her wishes. Her youngest is about to leave the nest, her husband is about to retire, & she’ll have fulfilled her obligation to the State of Tennessee. So she’s got enough problems without one of her kids dropping acid ’cause of me.

But the daughter & I can slip her mom (my cousin), we always have a good time. She’s a big fantasy reader, leaning into the “Urban Fantasy” genre. I couldn’t tell you who, all people I’ve never heard where Harry Potter’s just the first taste. So she appreciates my esoteric, random interests.She knows her mom, so it keeps us both out of trouble. She also suffers from depression & anxiety. So we got that in common, too.

Since moving home, my overall family’s been much more understanding of what I’m dealing with & more sensitive to what I’m going through, much more so than they would’ve 20 years ago. It has been a rough two decades have been rough enough, on me & them. But they’ve learned & grew, she’s benefited from that growth as much as I have.

Okay, enough of that. I just thought y’all would like that picture. It’s got a good sound; I can hear the football game pretty good if I was inclined to do so but I’m not. This has been a weird day. I’ve been out-of-sorts all day, not irritated so much as melancholy. I’ve been actually listening a lot of music lately & that’s always a sign of the blues. Still haven’t played any games nor have I found a story worth reading.

Nothing heavy, man, I’m just tired & I don’t know why. There’s really nothing worth attention in the news. Impeachment’s still trickling out, Hong Kong is still howling “no”, & all the normal weirdness & insanity of Living In The Future is what it inevitably is.

It’s Saturday evening just before the Sun sets. In New Orleans, this is the perfect time of day. Honestly, Northeast Mississippi is not a’tall bad. It’s a bit too hot, but not too, too hot. Enjoy the afternoon & pass it to the left.

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