Friday, July 3, 2020

 Well, neighbors, tomorrow is the Fourth of July but the Three-Day Weekend starts today, bubba. Any other year, people from sea to shining sea would be getting ready to turn one on tomorrow. Fireworks displays, water skiing, and Hell’s Angels gearing up for a run. America in a nutshell, right there.

 Any other year. Not this year, though. No sir. We can no longer pretend or ignore reality, no longer act like we’re on top of things. No way to pretend the United States of America, the country that once called itself “the last, best hope for humanity,” is anything but a ship of foolish dopes and petulant children steered by greedheads and gutless bootlickers.

 Y’all, we have lost the fight against COVID-19. It is done. The best we can hope for is maybe we can wait it out until some egghead can squeak out a vaccine that doesn’t cost as much as a small house. That’s probably the most fanciful aspect of it, and worse the government will let them do it. Remember that medication made by the oddly named Gilead Sciences that had done so much good? Remdesivir, it was called. Well, the U.S. of good ol’ A. bought up all available stores and told the rest of the world to go screw.

 Naturally, the European Union is limiting air traffic to the States, but who would want to come here? If you don’t catch a rapidly spreading virus and get bankrupt due to our health care industry, you might get the snot beat out of you by cops or shot full of holes by those same cops or out-of-control crime or gibbering Second Amendment dopes or just some random asshole who’s decided it’s a good day for a whole lot of people to die for their amusement. And God’s mercy on you if you suggest that perhaps we could find a better way.

 Grim news, folks, and it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. Let’s look at some numbers. We have seen an explosion of confirmed cases of COVID-19 over the past couple of days, with 40 of the 50 states seeing at least a five percent increase. We saw something like 50,600 new cases on Wednesday alone, and most of those were in Texas and Florida. Indeed, those two states had more new cases in one day than the entirety of the 42 countries in the EU.

 And there’s no relief in sight. No vaccine, no sign of it “burning itself out” or “tapering off during the summer months” like some predicted. The states, like Florida and Texas, that were crowing about having a handle on the curve and reopening are stumbling over themselves to try to put a halt to it. Furthermore, since this is America and we are Dumb and Proud of It, the yay-hoos who’re convinced COVID-19’s some worldwide hoax to make Trump look bad and make Big Cloth Mask all the monies aren’t budging on bit. It’s the Fourth of July, buddy roe, and we are going to Party. People certainly aren’t going to get wise enough anytime soon.

 The Trump Administration has been cheering the 4.8 million jobs as the “biggest rise in history” but that’s definitely putting lipstick on a pig. For one, those aren’t new jobs. Those are folks who’ve been at home for the past couple of months getting back to it. Furthermore, it’s merely a dent in the 40 million lost since March. Savings are strained, the rent is due, and the landlord does not give one tin shit about your problems. Neither does your boss, for that matter. So suck it up, buttercup, daddy needs a new summer home.

 And because fuck you, that’s why, Trump and the missus are heading the Mount Rushmore to wag his dick at the world for Independence Day. Why, no, he hasn’t learned from last week’s disastrous rallies. Not only is he wanting to have the slap-up of a MAGA party at one of the biggest thumbs to the eye of the Oglala Sioux people – because we still don’t even pretend to give a shit about Indigenous Americans– but he’s wanting a fireworks display. That’s been considered a really bad idea for a really long time.

 But what hell. We are a Dumb country so why not have a Dumb President. Want to know how I figure that? ‘Cause of this. Though it seems like it might have burned itself out, adults have convinced themselves that college kids – notably at the University of Alabama for some dumbass reason – are having “COVID parties”. Seems they’re going to party and putting money in a kitty, and whoever gets sick first gets the bread. This made it to Newsweek, y’all. And throughout all the stories on this thing that happened just as assuredly as “rainbow parties” and “slap bracelets mean blow jobs” happened, not once, not once did they actually interview any students. Not once.

Yep. That’s where we are, friends and neighbors. We’re incredibly Dumb and incurably Greedy and mindlessly Arrogant. The question really isn’t “can we be saved,” isn’t it?


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