Saturday, October 19, 2019

Not real sure where or what to start with today. It’s been a pretty lazy day, Saturday notwithstanding. Even Otis was ready come back in and go to bed by the time I’d brought the newspaper back up the hill.

But that’s where we find ourselves today. It’s not a complaint, mind you. I am probably the laziest man in Itawamba County by far, and you know I don’t go looking for stuff to do. But the fact is, I really didn’t do a whole lot today. I spent most of last night looking at film criticism videos on YouTube and most of today being a smartass on Twitter. So, worthwhile day.

That is one thing that’s a danger with my current lifestyle. I go too many days with nothing at all to do, despite my efforts to shake in a few activities. I had planned, when I first started the whole therapy thing, to work my way up to doing something, be it volunteering with the ASPCA or library in Tupelo. Unfortunately, I’ve not been able to shake my extreme distaste for being around other human beings and that is a booger. Hell, it’s been over six months since I even looked into those gigs, there’s no telling if either is even a viable option anymore.

As lightweight as it is, this is actually taking up most of my time and emotional energy. Writing is a lot of work, even when it comes easy, and most people who don’t do any sort of writing more than necessary just won’t understand that. It’s true, though. I don’t remember who said it, but Lewis Grizzard quoted someone as saying writing a weekly column is easy. You just sit and stare at a blank page until blood starts pouring out of your forehead.

I really need to seek out some sort of help. One of my Better Angels found this, but she found one of my less interesting days and I don’t expect or demand much more feedback from her. She’s got shit to do. Still, though, the main problem is I don’t know what to ask or what steps to take. Like I said, I’ve always envied people who have a clear goal or direction in mind. Once I’d finished college,

I was pretty much done with all my “hopes and dreams”.

It has occurred to me that it’s too bad I wasn’t doing this or something like this 10 years ago, because if that were the case I could probably get away with doing some sort of Patreon or Medium or Substack thing by now. But, no, I was trying to be Justin Wilson and look how that turned out.

Honestly, I think I’m going to do a quick look at the News and then wrap this up. Hillary Clinton’s interview from the other day – in the wake of yet another Governmental probe into her emails that found sweet Fanny Adams – is still giving the “anti-DNC far left” shit fits. Now, perennial loser Jill Stein has opened her yap, with Donald Trump – of all people – come charging in on a white horse to her rescue. Now, I don’t know if either Stein or Tulsi “Tucker Carlon’s New BFF” Gabbard are “Russian agents” or “Russian assets” or “Russian acrobats”. I do know there’s a reason Gabbard hasn’t cracked 2% in the polls and why Stein keeps getting beat like a rented mule every time she runs one of her vanity campaigns: no one wants either of you.

See, here’s the thing: there’s really no such thing as an “anti-war candidate”, not in any meaningful sense. We spend over $690 billion each year, on defense and once you add in all the bits and pieces, that number jumps to something like $1.4 trillion. Since the beginning of World War Two, we’ve been on permanent wartime footing, which means our every action as a nation is designed and concentrates, in some form or fashion, on being able to pound the shit out of some other country as quickly as possible.

It’s the only thing we care about. We don’t care about infrastructure or poverty or wealth disparity or healthy food or schools or decent housing or the elderly or jobs that pay enough to live on. Sad thing is, we spend all this money on planes that don’t work and bases where the locals don’t want us, and we’re still not very good at war. We’ve been in Afghanistan for over 15 years with no end in sight, and it took us way too long to accomplish something in Iraq, such as it was, even though we’d been bombing the shit out of the country since the early ’90s.

Regardless, someone is still making out like a bandit on this warlike impulse within American society and it ain’t the common solider or guy trying to use the VA. You really think the Powers That Be are going to give that up? An anti-war president will find right quick how things work and they’ll either do what their told or get two to the head. Metaphorically or literally, and you’re a naive fool to think otherwise.

You’re also a fool if you think the average American would give up having this huge military cock to slap the face of the rest of the world for something as piddly as taking care of each other. We can’t even stop owning high-capacity weapons that are only good for war so as to stop killing school kids. This is what we are. This is what we do. This is what “patriotism” means.

Whoah, Matt, you got a little worked up and a little off track there. It’s okay, son, calm down. It’s out of your hands. I really wish there was some way to disentangle this country from the Masters Of War taking every dollar and too many lives to satisfy their blood lust and make them feel their dicks aren’t inadequate, but just electing someone who says they’re anti-war isn’t going to do it. No one reaches that level seriously and isn’t in on the Way Things Work.

There’s a reason Jimmy Carter’s spent the last 40 years building houses for the poor. He’s a Believer and still wants to get into Heaven, but he knows the job called for evil to be done by his hand. He knows the stain on his Soul from being president is too much to just wash off and, bless his old heart, he’s the last president we’ve had that actually gave a shit about it. Don’t believe the hype, not now. We can’t run the risk.

Okay, that’s good. You’re winding yourself up and getting a headache. Be cool, man, be cool.

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